Boy bands are a mainstream musical phenomenon that emphasizes style over substance and tight pants over actual talent. Their fan bases tend to be huge and made up of screaming pre-teen girls who work themselves into a wild frenzy whenever they see one of their beloved idols appear on television. The songs they sing are almost always mind-numbingly repetitive, talking about how, baby, they’re gonna sweep you off your feet, because baby, true love can’t be beat, and baby, they’re sweepers in the street, and baby, true love they’d love to meet.
Members of boy bands are typically divided into the following designations:
The Cute One
The Funny One
The “Bad” One
The Macho One
The Talented One
Just kidding about that last one. They’re usually taken up by “The Goateed One” or “The One who will Descend into a Nightmare of Drugs and Pills and Later Appear on an E! True Hollywood Story”, though in some cases that’s the entire group. When it comes down to it, boy bands are perhaps best known for their mastery of synchronized dance moves. This is probably because a good number of them are completely tone deaf, and need to distract listeners from this fact by wiggling their hips provocatively.