Barney the Dinosaur rules over a global empire that puts most of his competitors to shame. The monstrous purple carnivore can be seen on TV screens each weekday, and has a vast army of toys, videos, music, clothing, games, and sticker albums at his disposal. There are Barney the Dinosaur sombreros and Barney the Dinosaur-brand toothpaste. No matter where you go, you can be sure to find a generic household product with his soulless eyes staring back.
His power is quite chilling: Boys and girls below the age of two who watch his television program have been known to become immediately transfixed by Barney’s friendly demeanor, and often join in on his clever sing-along songs about the joys of picking up trash. Anyone older than that who sees the show tends to have the automatic desire to claw their eyes out, either that or construct a time machine so they can go back in time and kill their own mother, thus ensuring they were never born.
There are many religious scholars who claim that Barney the Dinosaur is actually the Antichrist in disguise. The insurmountable logic goes something like this:
1. Barney can be generally described by the following phrase:
‘CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR’
2. The Latin alphabet uses the letter V instead of U. One of the producers for Barney and Friends has Latin heritage, so it’s okay to switch these around.
‘CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR’
3. If you remove the letters that don’t represent Roman numerals (a natural progression, because no one cares about them anyway), you get:
CV– -V–L- DI—- V-
4. Add up the corresponding numerical value of the remaining letters, and discover the horrifying result.
100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666
You are frightened, no?