Archive for February 2nd, 2009


Most shoes are made out of leather, or a plain-woven canvas material. Crocs are made out of gaudy neon plastic from the ninth circle of Hades. They were originally designed for use as a boating shoe, mostly due to the non-slip nature of the sole, but people who wore them soon realized that they were lightweight, comfortable and in their own horrible way, unique. The product caught on in spite of their misshapen appearance, and Crocs Inc. (a subsidiary of Hellco.)has made hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue from marketing the plastic footwear to the American public.

The main complaint towards Crocs is the perception that they are incredibly hideous. Bright purple and orange aren’t colors that were meant to be worn on the feet, especially when painted on a material that’s normally used to make Tonka Trucks. The numerous tiny holes sticking out of the front also give the odd semblance of a pasta trainer, which the shoes double as if you’re feeling particularly lazy. Sales for the product naturally still remain strong, a powerful testament to the judgment of men and women who will one day be in charge of our nation’s future.


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