Archive for February 4th, 2009

Most people were told as a child to wait at least an hour after eating before getting back into the swimming pool. This is so they don’t get cramps, which can be fairly unpleasant and even dangerous under some circumstances. Most people weren’t told, however, that they shouldn’t climb onto the roof of the house, shout in a loud drunken voice that they’re “King of the World!” and then dive head-first into the pool below. The reason most people weren’t told this is their parents assumed that their beautiful child wasn’t suffering from incurable stupidity.

Never assume. There are dozens of fatalities related to rooftop pool diving in the United States each year, and more are likely to follow. The common factor in each of these cases is an inability of the person to hit the actual water. They misjudge the distance between the pool and the roof, and end up on the “Isn’t it Funny?” segment on the evening news. On those rare occasions were they manage to make it into the water, the sudden shock of impact is usually enough to break their legs. Diving boards are there for a reason: so a person can jump into a goddamn pool without the risk of becoming a fine red smear on the patio below.


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