One of the truest and most classic examples of kitsch are the numerous paintings of Dogs Playing Poker. They’re pretty much what you’d expect: a group of dogs, usually a golden retriever, a bulldog, a cocker spaniel, and a poodle, are gathered together at a table playing high-stakes poker, and look – one of them is cheating! He has a card hidden behind his right ear! Oh, you adorable, lovable canine! Who needs a Van Gogh or Renoir for your personal collection when you can have a tacky piece of artwork that’s available at the local Wal-Mart for $2.99?
All of this ignores the main problem – the mere sight of these paintings has been proven to cause widespread madness. They are so mind numbingly kitschy and horrible that there is no choice but to go completely insane, and one unfortunate gallery viewing in Texas resulted in several hundred people being institutionalized. It therefore your patriotic duty to destroy these objects of the devil should you ever stumble upon one in your travels. But be warned – a simple glance at Fifi tossing a poker chip into the pot is all that is needed to send your mind tumbling off the deep end.