Tonya Harding was an ice skater who had long dreamed of performing for the Winter Olympics. She practiced every day, including weekends, doing her best to master the incredibly difficult triple axle, but slowly discovered something to her dismay: she was pretty crappy. Or at least, she wasn’t good enough to compete against Nancy Kerrigan, another figure skater who had a perfect smile and great poise and read stories to orphans every Sunday morning while tending to sick puppies.
She thus hatched a sinister scheme with Jeff Gilooly (her ex-husband) and Shawn Eckhardt (a friend) to take her rival out of the picture. They hired a man named Shane Stant to attack Nancy Kerrigan while she was at the U.S. Figure Skating Championship, using a crowbar to the deed. The aftermath can be seen in the famous video footage of her clutching her broken knee while crying out “Why?” repeatedly. The answer, sadly, is obvious: because you were so much better than her.
It turned out that Tonya Harding and her accomplices weren’t exactly criminal masterminds, so it didn’t take long for the authorities to figure out what had happened. Her ex-husband was brought in for questioning, and he quickly spilled the dirt on what had happened. The United States Figure Skating Association promptly stripped Tonya of her title, and she was banned from the world of professional skating. This didn’t mean she was forever removed from the celebrity spotlight, however; in 1994, she released a porn movie made on her wedding night.