Kitchen appliances tend to be fairly standard and boring, if you actually take a look at them. Toasters, blenders, waffle irons… sure, they fulfill their function with speed and efficiency, but they don’t have any zazz. To spruce things up a little, you may want to consider purchasing a salad shooter (as seen on 3 A.M. infomercials.) This amazing product is sold by Presto and capable of launching salad projectiles into your bowl from over ten feet away! Or, two feet, actually, but it does get a fair degree of momentum.
You might be wondering the actual purpose of such a device is. Do lettuce and carrot sticks that have been shot through the air at a high velocity taste better in some magical way? Well, no. But it looks cool! Sort of. It also slices up veggies, which as we all know is nigh on impossible provided your society hasn’t invented the knife yet. The salad shooter is therefore a product that no home should be without. Simply store it next to the Slap Chop, Inside-the-Shell Egg Scrambler, Dial-O-Matic, and other pieces of worthless junk that you’ve managed to accumulate over the years.