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BAD FOOD – Spam

Spam
When times get tough, people are forced to spend less. They cut back on clothes, and haircuts, and most of all, food. Sure, it’s nice to eat a juicy steak, but you just can’t afford one at the moment. Spam is almost as good, right?

No. No it is not.

Spam is one of the most revolting foods on the planet. To simulate the taste, you simply need to purchase a ham, leave it out in the sun for three days, drop it in some puddle water, and then stomp on it with your foot.

The only redeeming factor about this food, and that term is used lightly, is that it can last pretty much forever. If a nuclear war occurs, you can rest assured that any spam you manage to scavenge will still be good several decades later. Mostly because even the radioactive cockroaches won’t touch it.

It should also noted that some people claim (particularly from the state of Hawaii) that spam is actually quite tasty. They say that if you fry it just right, and add a few spices, it can provide a delectable dish that can’t be beat. Of course, some people claim that Vanilla Ice was a misunderstood artist ahead of his time, so you should probably take such claims with a grain of salt.

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The Blog of Bad is on hiatus until Monday, April 13th.

If you need a dose of bad in the meantime, we suggest you watch Battlefield: Earth. You will also need strong stomach medicine and/or suicide pills.

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The year was 1942. The United States was at war with Germany once again (the last time didn’t take), and an innovative new form of aircraft was desperately needed to help transport troops and materials to the British Isles. Howard Hughes, a dashing young man who liked to wear goggles and who had financed such pictures as The Outlaw and Hell’s Angels, proposed the HK-1, a massive wooden airplane that could land on the water and which would be capable of carrying up to 750 armed troops at once to their destination.

Critics were naturally skeptical. Many believed that an airplane of such size could not make it off the ground, and even if it did, all it would take was a few termites to render the whole thing inoperable. They nicknamed it the “Spruce Goose”, much to Howard Hughes dismay, and the fact that it was actually constructed out of laminated birchwood. There were also numerous concerns about the ever-escalating cost for the aircraft, and he would have to testify before the Senate War Investigating Committee in order to convince them to let him finish the project.

The Spruce Goose would have one, and only one flight. It started off at Long Beach, lifting up into the air and traveling for about a mile over the Pacific Ocean before landing back down again. The plane had managed to make it a full 70 feet into the air, which was admittedly quite a bit more than most people thought it was capable of. Howard Hughes had proved himself right, and that the huge vehicle did work, but by then it was something of a moot point. It was 1947, and the war was long over.

The gigantic wooden airplane would be consigned to a warehouse for several years, until it was purchased by the California Aero Club. They tried to market it as a tourist attraction, but people weren’t interested, and it ended up moving from museum to museum in search of someone who might actually want the thing. Howard Hughes, meanwhile, slowly descended into total insanity over the next few decades and begin collecting jars of his own urine while wearing tissue boxes on his feet. The critics, apparently, truly had taken their toll.

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