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Posts Tagged ‘Spam’

BAD FOOD – Spam

Spam
When times get tough, people are forced to spend less. They cut back on clothes, and haircuts, and most of all, food. Sure, it’s nice to eat a juicy steak, but you just can’t afford one at the moment. Spam is almost as good, right?

No. No it is not.

Spam is one of the most revolting foods on the planet. To simulate the taste, you simply need to purchase a ham, leave it out in the sun for three days, drop it in some puddle water, and then stomp on it with your foot.

The only redeeming factor about this food, and that term is used lightly, is that it can last pretty much forever. If a nuclear war occurs, you can rest assured that any spam you manage to scavenge will still be good several decades later. Mostly because even the radioactive cockroaches won’t touch it.

It should also noted that some people claim (particularly from the state of Hawaii) that spam is actually quite tasty. They say that if you fry it just right, and add a few spices, it can provide a delectable dish that can’t be beat. Of course, some people claim that Vanilla Ice was a misunderstood artist ahead of his time, so you should probably take such claims with a grain of salt.

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Spam - Email
Spam is the junk mail of the modern age. It’s completely unsolicited, highly annoying, and sent out to millions of people every few seconds. These emails include ads for porn sites, money making schemes, and some of the most useless products in existence. They also generally feature more bad spelling than a group of delinquent fourth graders who’ve just discovered the joys of text messaging.

This shady method is extremely popular with marketers because of the low operating costs involved. All you need is a list of email addresses, easily obtained from your local computer hacker, and you can send out a massive number of advertisements for herbal Viagra with a touch of a button! Your ISP will probably shut you down within a few hours, but you can simply use another one. This will also cost you a piece of your soul, but you undoubtedly got rid of that years ago.

So how pervasive is the problem? Over 90% of the email traffic on the web is made up of spam. This is to say nothing of the mobile phone spam, instant messaging spam, and blog spam. It’s also estimated that spam costs the United States over $13 billion a year, but that’s just the financial side. The time loss, bandwidth usage, and psychological damage incurred from discovering how it can ‘En1arge your Manh00d – G U A R A N T E D’ bears a horrible price all of its own.

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